A strange and intrinsic longing

I'm surprised at how quickly nostalgia sets in.

My trip to Paris is well under two months old, and you can already find me mooning pathetically over Google Maps's street view of the unromantic location of the hotel in which I stayed. This, even though the second week of my trip served nothing if not to confirm that it was a week too long.

I met two people in my travels who were the sufficient combination of interesting and approachable that I could suggest keeping in touch. Both readily shared their contact information, but neither have responded to my attempts at contact. The cynic in me is quick to nod and say: "I knew it," and remind me that they're in the hospitality industry, one that people don't necessarily choose there so much as they capitulate to it until other arrangements can be made. The cynic goes on to speculate (he's still long-winded despite my efforts to deprive him of oxygen) that even the friendliest waiters and hotel clerks must gnash their teeth at the thought of extra-curricular contact with their guests.

That perspective doesn't save me from the sad disappointment of unanswered e-mails. I also admit to the internal (if not eternal) optimist, who fancifully and unrealistically hoped to make a distant contact or two, fostering a human connection that would span geographic and cultural divides. The optimist takes these setbacks with as much dignity as can be expected, and struggles to endure, even despite the extra coaxing and oxygen that's been diverted to him from his pessimist sibling.

Still, it's not all gloom: I hope to make an appointment with a local friend and fellow Paris-lover to go over the details of my trip and wistfully mull the charms of the city we both love. Also, I recently took inventory of the remaining souvenirs and scraps of paper from my trip, sharing them with my son. While he is immune to the effects of nostalgia, he did find a surprising degree of joy in the sugar candies I saved for him. Nothing fancy, just the shiny-wrapped bits you get in the tray with your bill at a restaurant.

It's funny where you can find life's little rewards.

My son, the new Buddha

My son has a friend at school who wasn't always a friend. As a matter of fact, they didn't get along at all for the first several months they knew each other. Then suddenly, he didn't speak with his usual youthful bitterness about his little foe, so his Momma asked him why.

"We just looked into each other's hearts, saw the good in each other and set aside our differences, and now we're friends."

Kids say the darnedest, most philosophical things.

UFC for you and me

Another big-name UFC event tomorrow night, and I'm pumped to see it. I tried to get a couple of pals over to help me watch it, but they had contravening plans. Dicks.

So, I've got a line out for one or two other gents who want to watch sanctioned brutality and drink beer. And if they don't make it, I'll be equally happy to watch it all by myself. I like that I'm happy in my own company.

Social self reflection and the UFC

Oh, goody goody - my UFC fights are on tonight! But it does raise an issue. Allow me to share in the most long-winded manner I can manage. It is my way...

I grew up in a manner that was certainly some form of anti-social. I don't hate people (necessarily), but it was a long time before I learned what a good friend was. I thought I knew at the time, but I was tragically mistaken. Therefore, I kept company that was neither truly fun to be around, nor had my best interests at heart.

This background has resulted in a system of socializing and a view of relationships that could generously be called "quirky." I developed a stunted and odd view of how friendships work, and to this day it confuses me and those around me.

For one thing, I largely equate friendships and social events with drinking. This seems an obvious result of the fact that during my teen years, my acquaintances and I would rarely get together without getting some form of good and loaded, and when we did, the event was considered a failure without exception. Therefore, getting together nowadays without a drink in my hand seems unnatural. What the Hell do people do with themselves? Psh - talk?! You must be kidding. It's awkward, and makes my slightly nervous. It's like smoking after a meal, or peanut butter with jelly - one without the other is all right and everything, but certainly not ideal. I don't necessarily enjoy this condition, I just recognize it.

Another unusual trait is that I don't get lonely, at least in what I understand to be a traditional sense. I've never understood why solitary confinement is such a feared punishment in prison movies and other tales of hardship. I think that Tom Hanks in "Cast Away" was just as well off with his artificial friend Wilson as with just about everyone else in that film. By and large, Sartre had it right - Hell is other people.

Only in recent years has this stoic psychological dam begun to show signs of cracking. Having made what I still consider the right decision to move away from my hometown and acquaintances (as well as most of my wife's friends and family as well), it becomes more practically apparent how isolated we are, geographically as well as socially. My wife isn't as bizarre and fundamentally insane as I am, and I worry that she should be happier with more friends in her life, too.

In any event, this is brought to the fore by the fact that I would really like to invite a buddy over tonight to watch pairs of top-conditioned men beat the Hell out of each other, but the list of potential co-viewers is damned slim. Michelle and I have taken a sloppy slap or two at putting down roots and making friends in our new hometown, but the roots are few and shallow in the soil.

In any event, it's likely too late to invite anyone over, and the festivities are on a weeknight, confusing most peoples' schedules (nice going, UFC President Dana White!). Still, I could make a couple of phone calls, take a shot at it. The fact that I let a few logistical wrinkles stop me from trying just leads me to consider the above personality traits regarding my views on friendship.

What an odd life. Not bad, but odd.