I'm afraid I'm gaining my mind

All my life I've had this feeling of being out of sync. Apart, and wondering at all the strange activity of the collective I beheld. Who are these people, and why do they do this or that? It was an off-kilter view of the world and although it could be painfully lonely sometimes, it was loads of fun, and that more than balanced feelings of isolation.

One thing that has always generated lots of friction and heat in my head was my habit of contemplating, but comparatively little 'doing.' Of anything much at all. Not even self-interest or interest on behalf of others motivated me. That sort of cognitive lopsidedness generated jokes, quips, blog posts and general nervous energy that created lots of fun content inside my head.

Now though, I am doing more, learning more, opening my mind up to real possibilities in ways I never had before. I can't be sure, but I suspect that getting out of my mental Lazy-Boy and embracing the real world may have diverted or stunted what I thought was a more ingrained character trait, my out-of-step experience of the world.

I am improving the frequency in which I pick up my guitar. I bought an old, hand-me-down electronic keyboard at a yard sale and have ordered a used book to learn it. I am awash in a river of data at my day job, whether I like it or not. I am drinking from the fire hose, and it feels a lot like it sounds: overwhelming.

One regret: my creativity for comedy has waned to a frightening degree. I will head to an open mike this week, but not because of a burning desire to get onstage again or a bursting sensation that I must get some new material out.

All comics experience lulls or writer's block or periods of doubt, like any creative artist. I hope it passes, because it feels like impotence, and I'm not okay with that.

Birthday wishes

Oh, another birthday is rounding third and about to steal home. I am thrilled and feel what the religious folks called "blessed" that I have no material or emotional desire that has not already been met. What luck and joy that I can honestly say that a giftless birthday would not leave me lacking in any way.

As true as that statement is, I'd be mad not to ask the universe for a few small things. One of my good fortunes is that some people in my inner circle might want to buy me something. It would be downright selfish of me not to make a list of birthday wants, I tell ya!

This is all I can think of for now. I used to own the two movies below, but I was foolish enough to lend them to a stupid, blackhearted dog who never returned them. Live and learn.

Amazon.com: Thomas Bickle: my stuff

Movie: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Movie: Shallow Hal

Blue Devil Action Figure

That's all I can think of for now.

Appended 5/22/10:

Religulous (2008)

Hitch 22: A Memoir

Bobbing in the surf

Holy crap.

The tempo of my day job has gone from Hank Williams to Metallica. Chores at home lay incomplete. Comedy and other interests have taken a back seat to... to what? Nothing, apparently.

Life has got me by the tail, and I struggle to catch up, keep up. Keeping a minimum of commitments is the most I can do right now. I am the master of nothing. I feel like a sock trapped at the bottom of a load of laundry, jostled and sloshed about.

I expect that balance, strength and confidence will return eventually, but for now, I am treading water.