Well, it's done. Sunday, we sat my daughter down and had a talk, and told her we've arranged for her to go back to Utah with her mother, where she came from almost two years ago. I'm disappointed that it's come to this, but it's where we're at.
After these two years, we have failed to bond, failed to become anything other than her and us. Our relationship has never progressed past the point of concierge and houseguest. You'd think I would dig it, since concierge is a French word and all, but for some reason it isn't panning out that way.
Also troubling is my daughter's lack of response to the whole event. Her entire reply to my mini-speech explaining why we're going this route: "Okay." I invited her to share her thoughts and feelings, now or later, and I got the Snake Eyes. The shields went up, just like they always have when we have a discussion like this. I feel it's a big part of why we can't grow beyond our current, less-than-ideal circumstance.
While I am always wishing for more communication, I am relieved that there wasn't wailing and protests. I really wasn't looking forward to the sit-down, and I over-prepared for the event. I needn't have worried - it went like all our discussions go: I talk, she listens, no questions, no participation, no interaction. How dull, how lifeless.
I know she has benefited from her time here with us: she's earned good grades, lost weight to become a healthier, active person. She's made friends, boyfriends and been active in 4-H, although it never really captured her imagination like I hoped.
I tried to foster communication, form bonds, make a friend of my kid, but my imperfect efforts didn't take. This was the best chance we had at becoming closer family members during her teenage years. I feel like another good chance won't come around again for years, if ever. It's been like pushing a rope, and there's only so much one can do. An opportunity missed, to be sure.
