Dumbledore isn't a queer

So author J.K. Rowling announced that her wise wizard character, Dumbledore, is gay. Or, was gay - he's been dead a while, you know.

I have to say, I think she's mistaken.

I know, she's the author, she created the characters, and some (including Rowling herself) think that gives her the right to rewrite history, now that the money's been made and blatantly provocative statements have no chance of impacting the many millions she's raked in. That's all fine, but there's one problem:

It never happened. In all the Potter books (not one of which I've read, and I don't think that leaves me in the slim minority everyone else seems to identify), never once did Dumbledore open-mouth kiss another guy, roger one of the gargoyles or so much as visit a Pier 1 Imports browsing for faux-antique coffee tables. If it didn't happen in the books (or the movies, for that matter), it didn't happen.

I mean, why not declare: "Oh by the way, he was black. Three feet tall. A master at water polo"? Because it would be ridiculous, that's why. All that Harry, Dumbledore, The Dukes of Hazzard and Rocky and Bullwinkle ever will be is what they were during their respective runs in their chosen media. To go back after the fact, kick this old goat out of the casket, just to push him out of the closet, strikes me as an opportunistic stunt, not a brave step to legitimize homosexuality.

If she wanted old Dumbie to experience a gay life, she should have written that into the books that gave him said life. It reminds me of the Family Guy episode where Peter Griffin dreams up his own TV show where he has a black son. The imagined intro of "My Black Son" runs for 40 seconds or so, and tacks on the very end this afterthought: "Also he's a ninja."

Hey... a ninja. Yeah! "also, Dumbledore was a ninja!" Why not?

For two other views on this "Dumbledore is a homosexual" theme, see these links:

EW.com - Dumbledore: A Lovely Outing

Put Dumbledore Back in the Closet